woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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