Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
