I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
