office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
