wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
