I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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