I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you never un-have a 4some
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
