I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
