guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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