were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I didn't notice because vodka
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to fling myself into the sun
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
