u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
