Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
