it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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