i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
