We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
