sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Found the puke drawer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
