the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
