Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
