my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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