Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
