I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
