good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
