I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
