Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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