Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
