I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm passing your future prison.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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