Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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