Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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