I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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