Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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