Tell her she can't have a vagina
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
