you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you had me at cake vodka
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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