Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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