i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
