i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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