Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
