you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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