After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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