that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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