I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so explain again why im purple
no
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
