So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
