but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
