just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
