How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
