dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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