So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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