tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
COCAINE IS GR8
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
