Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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