on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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