So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
