just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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