And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
