I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
