my phone needs a breathalizer
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
