im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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