You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
