6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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