You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
