Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
