HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
