Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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