I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His hands were made for my vagina.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
