You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
