I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
