i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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