Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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