just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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