i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
