So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
im on a boat
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