my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
