I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
