i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
