my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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