what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
